I’m a stripper but I fear losing my boyfriend: What should I do?

Hi Tila, this may be a very personal subject for you as it is myself.. But im asking for some motivation and advice on my lifestyle.

Im 21yrs old, and I live in New Zealand. Im a stripper. I have been since I was 18. I used to drink a hell of a lot, to the point where my first year and a half of stripping is an absolute blur, and I fully lost more money than I made 🙁 and fortunately I never touched drugs or been touched the wrong way by a man or woman as I am not afraid to use the word "no".. my problem is: Im stuck here. I am so addicted to money which can either be very good or very bad every night I work.. theres no in-between. I had a job working in retail for eight months, and I quit the club to dedicate myself to my new career, but my last night at the club my brand new bosses husband came in and booked me.. So it was all downhill from there with the new job, and I came crawling back to the club. I feel like Im losing my boyfriend by being here again, and Im lying to my family and friends and even his family by saying Im just not working, when really I cannot give up dancing! Is there any advice you can give or any personal stories please? I love you Tila your advice would mean the world! 😀


You started stripping at a very young age so I understand that going from making all of that easy money in one night to getting a real job where the money can be total shit compared to how much you can make as a stripper can be a total mind fuck!  Especially nowadays where economy is bad and everyone seems to be struggling with paying their bills..... sometimes stripping for someone like yourself may seem like the easiest and only way out of those ruts since you have been doing it since you were 18 years old.  Sometimes stripping can be like a drug because as you said "the money is addicting" and who doesn't love to make money and live a comfortable lifestyle?  At the same time it's also not worth losing your loved ones over so it's definitely a tough situation to be in.  

I was also a stripper when I was only 19 years old because I needed to save up enough money so that I could follow my dreams of becoming famous and move to Hollywood to pursue my dreams so I know how you feel.  The only difference is that I actually HATED having to do that!  I only danced like 2 days out of the month and a total of 6 months was enough for me to save up money so that I could move on with my life and pursue my goals because stripping was never something on my "to do list" as a goal in life.  I was in and out of there with the quickness!  I was smart about it.  I never drank nor partied.  I just stayed focused, saved up however much I needed to save to get me to Hollywood, and I never looked back.   So I do understand where you're coming from and I just wanted to share with you my story so that you do not feel like I am judging you.  I am the last person on this planet to judge anyone since I have been through so much crap in life and survived it all!

The best advice I can give you at this point is to be smart about your money like I was.  I don't think being a stripper as a career move is a good idea at all.  If you were smart you would set up a goal calendar or whatever it is that will help you reach your goals.  So let's say there is X amount of money that you would like to save up so you can afford to put money down for a house etc.  Instead of stripping just to spend all of your money the next day on materialistic stuff that you don't need.  That's not being smart about it and that's what keeps you coming back or as you put it "Stuck" being a stripper.  You are never truly "stuck" but that's just what you choose to do!  I think you should stop spending on things you don't need and start saving, but most importantly you should be more responsible and not drink or get so wasted at work.  Stripping may be an easy way out to make money, but it's also not the healthiest way as far as what it can do to a person's mentality.  I'm sure you know this by now.  

If you truly love your boyfriend and don't want to have to keep on lying to your family and friends about what you do to make money then I would suggest that you either quit stripping for good and get a real job and just start to wean yourself away from stripping because it is like  a drug after all.  This way you can slowly break free from that type of environment which I think should really only be a place for someone who needs it as the very last resort and only for temporary.  You definitely don't want to be a stripper the rest of your life.  Plus, you can only strip for so long before you start to get old and that just becomes a bit gross and will make you feel even worse about yourself.  So I honestly think you should just stay focused, set a final goal for how much you want to save up, get your work done, reach those goals, and give up stripping for good!

This way you will have money saved up and will be able to get a real job after that to keep the money flowing in.  It may not be as much as stripping, but at least you won't have to live a double life or keep lying to your loved ones nor lose your boyfriend over it.  I understand some women who are in dire situations out there who may have kids or babies and they have no one else to help them out so they need to do something extreme like stripping for a little bit to help them get back on their feet again, but it sounds to me like you're just doing it because you are addicted to the money.  Which is fine too, but it will really start to weigh you down in the long run as that's all you will ever know and I'm sure you deserve more than that as money isn't always everything!  As I said, "GET IN AND GET OUT!" - best choice ever!   Good luck to you and what you decide to do! - Miss Tila

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Self-made, controversial, reformed hollywood party girl-turned sober, and now a healthy, single, and happy Mommy to be! Life is great! :)

12 thoughts on “I’m a stripper but I fear losing my boyfriend: What should I do?

  1. Hey there I use to be a stripper myself making money it did not make me happy then I found out the most amazing thing I was having a baby and you know that changed my life right there is my daughter tilatquila your going to be a great mom and don’t let any one tell you different your going to do great love angel

    1. Awwww yeah I know exactly what you mean! All of these haters who keep talking their shit are just jealous of us and how we can still manage to pull through out of hard situations and become a great mother for our babies! Everything changes for a woman once she has a baby…. that’s the miracle of it all! 😀

      1. The only thing u should know or people should know that not matter what have you done in past You still have time to do the right things from now so don’t pay attention to people cause even if u do things good or bad they always gonna criticize so keep looking forward giving a good examples to your child and YOLO ♥♥♥

          1. The past is dead and buried, exactly where it should stay. You have given great advice to this girl.

            The level of sincere thought and emotion in your replies, and moments of counseling are great. Good to see you guys doing so well, not just Tila, but all you wonderful mothers and mothers-to-be.

              1. Of course, I fondly think pregnancy is a peak of beauty. You have looked amazing for all of your pregnancy Tila. I’m happy to see you doing so well. 😀

  2. Tila sweetie I think you’re cute but accidentally being disingenuous because being a stripper is not exactly a boyfriend / girlfriend compatible occupation. So any advice about keeping both is moot because it will never work, you have either one or the other.

    1. Actually you’re wrong about that because I was with my boyfriend for 3 years when I was stripping for the 6 months. He loved me and trusted me enough to know that I needed to do what I needed to at that time and I never lied to him so everything worked out great. Just depends on who the boyfriend or girlfriend is. Everyone’s case is different.

    2. Untrue, most people in modern relationships can balance stuff like this, people get to hung up on prevalent trust issues that are always in the shadows and let something small like stripping stop them from having a meaningful relationship. Also, at this point, you can’t really viably counter-point her point, since she’s got viable experience in this area to draw from whereas you do not Steve.

  3. Steve: you are very wrong here. I have been dancing for about 5 years now. I do it as my side job to pick up the slack when it’s needed. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and he doesn’t mind it. It has it’s ups and downs don’t get me wrong, but all in all we are a very happy couple. Some men just can’t handle knowing their woman is dancing for people with a lot of money, or just simply don’t like it. That doesn’t mean other men can’t do it, most of my friends at the club have had boyfriends for years and it hasn’t stopped their relationship either.

  4. To me, this doesnt sound like stripping is the problem. Its the money she makes from it. She needs to realize all of the friendships and family relationships that shes putting at risk just because she enjoys having that money (and hey, I never stripped but if my friend makes 300 in tips as a bartender, I can imagine what a good day dancing means!l

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