I’m having postpartum sex issues! What can I do to fix this?

 My boyfriend of four years has never been a faithful one, but I always saw such potential to be a great husband and father.  After I had my daughter four months ago, my stretch marks are deterring me from even bothering to go work out.  What's the point since I won't show my body anyways!  Anyway, his wandering eyes (and hands, and...) have me feeling worse than ever.  We've since broken up but are still living together since he had me quit my job (before I knew he was seeing someone else) so now I'm stuck.  But I want to try getting back out and let myself have some happiness and fun!  I was just wondering if you had tips for sex (oral as well.)  I'm obviously not new to it, but I feel like there's always room for improvement!  I'm only 21, but I feel like I might be lacking what guys want, and now with my body gone I don't have much left to offer.  what tricks do you do to make the men want more?  Thank you!


Before we go any further I would just like to point out that half of this is also your fault for being with a guy who you KNOW has a cheating problem so you really have no room there to make complaints about it.  If you stay with a guy for 4 years who is constantly unfaithful to you what makes you possibly think that he'll stay with you to be a good boyfriend/husband or father to your child?  What type of message will that send to your little girl when she sees that daddy is always cheating on mommy, but mommy is ok with it even though it makes mommy sad?  It will teach your daughter to not respect herself and she will end up growing up to date men who treat her less than what she's worth because she saw you do it first.  But since you're only 21 and your baby is only 4 months old there is still plenty of time to fix this and prevent it from being passed down to your daughter.  This typical behavior that some people who lack in self-respect and self-confidence seem to all have and share.  I'm not trying to be rude or insensitive, but sometimes the cold, hard, truth is the only way to overcome your issues.  There's no sugar-coating anything here.

As for you wanting to start dating again and just having a good time, first you have to feel good about yourself.  Not just physically, but mentally and right now I see that you're not really mentally as motivated as you think you are to make yourself feel sexy and confident.  I can tell this just by the way you talked about your stretch marks and how it has made you unmotivated to hit the gym or do anything to get back into shape.  You say "What's the point since I won't show my body anyways!" in regards to working out.  Well, that may very well be true if you are already in a perfectly in a happy, and  loving relationship, but you're not.  It also may very well be true if you already love yourself for who you are with flaws and all then you wouldn't have issues, but since that is not the case I think that by you being so unmotivated to even care about your physical body that it sorta shows the type of person you are.  Nobody wants to be with someone who's lazy, unmotivated, insecure, no self-respect, or low self-esteem.  This is most likely why your boyfriend is always cheating on you and also because you let him by staying with him.  Now you're blaming everything on him and saying that you're stuck.  No.  You're not stuck.  You just chose to be there and sound too unmotivated to really do something drastic to change anything.

The only positive thing I see about this is the fact that you are reaching out to me for some help and advice because that shows that at least you know there is a problem.  Admitting you have issues is the first step to getting better so I will give you credit for that at least.  However, if you want to have other men start desiring you, you have to start desiring yourself first!  If you don't care about yourself then why would any other man want to care for you or desire you?  Don't treat yourself like a piece of shit!   You're more than that so you need to start showing that to yourself.  Of course you will show your body to your new man... aren't you?  So why would you not care about your hygiene or your health or anything?  I'm not accusing you of this.  Again, I am just basing and psycho-analyzing all of this going from what you wrote me.  Before I can give you advice on how to give good oral or anything else sexual first you have to start learning to love yourself more.  Be a strong woman.  Not a mopey one!  Take no ones shit!  Get motivated!  Start hitting the gym!  Doing positive things will start to release positive endorphins and serotonin in your brain!  Most importantly, THINK POSITIVE!  Nobody wants to be around a debbie downer who is constantly a victim to her own issues.  Take control of your life and start being in the driver seat!  Do this for yourself so that by the time your baby girl grows up she'll also follow in your footsteps to0 and be a strong, confident, independent woman who takes shit from no one!  Not to mention how important it is to teach her to love herself no matter what she looks like and to never let anyone put her down, but you can't teach her that yet if you, yourself has yet to learn how to do these things for yourself.

Remember that it all starts in the mind.  Look at yourself everyday in the mirror and tell yourself that you are sexy! That you are desirable!  That you are confident!  That you can get any man you wanted!  Keep repeating these things until you believe it!  Once you accomplish this then come back to me to ask for advice on how to give good oral!  Work on yourself first before keep trying to please someone else.  Please yourself first.  I know you can do it!  Good luck!- Miss Tila

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Self-made, controversial, reformed hollywood party girl-turned sober, and now a healthy, single, and happy Mommy to be! Life is great! :)

10 thoughts on “I’m having postpartum sex issues! What can I do to fix this?

  1. Thinking positive all ways helps freckles by the way did you psycho anywho me as well. damn nigga you got time on your hands. Did you go to your hands Lamaze classes.

  2. Thinking positive all ways helps freckles by the way did you psycho anywho me as well. damn nigga you got time on your hands. Did you go to your Lamaze classes.

  3. Oh Tila if every woman thought like you did the world would be a different place my dear! I love all your blogs you are amazing, not to mention hot. Baby Tila has a beautiful strong mother. Xoxox!

  4. Even from a boys perspective this advice is very interesting, and helps me to understand how girls react to things I do or say. So well done Tila, keep it up, good luck with your baby and I hope you will still be able to answer some questions even when your baby is born as this will become your full-time job then! xx

  5. What you believe is REAL!!! <— wish I learnt that years ago, I would of been 10 times the man I am today.

    No one can truly love you if you don't love yourself.
    Look inside and change your mental thought to being a positive self image. Soon enough you'll truly believe it (after 30 days minimum) and people will see it. Increase your value and self respect and others will value and respect you.

    A genuine smile goes a long way (trust me) which got me attracted to a woman which I otherwise wouldn't look at twice due to her body type. I was sold on her smile right from the beginning and had to chase her. The only way she could pull off a genuine smile like that is if she had inner peace and harmony and a positive self-image.

    Attraction isn't a choice. Yes men are visual. A smile invokes so many positive feelings and is contagious. Meaning if you smile at someone 9/10 times they will smile back and feel happy. I would rather be with a happy average woman than a miserable beautiful babe with the perfect body, for the longer-term of course.

    So when your telling yourself those positive affirmations in the mirror, don't forget to also smile.

    1. Tila!I just wanted to say I love reading your advises and your posrs and everything You write here!Always waiting to read new posts.
      You’re a big inspiration to Me.
      Much love!sky

  6. Great advice!! But I for one was going to ask you about tips to giving the best Bj!! I’m new to this site and I don’t know how to ask for advice on here..hopefully one day soon you will write advice on that subject. Until then I will keep checking your page to see!!! Thanks again tila and ill be praying for a healthy and happy delivery and baby girl!!! 🙂

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